


Missing You

by derangedbeauty



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8190548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derangedbeauty/pseuds/derangedbeauty





	1. Chapter 1

I stared at the blank screen, a circle spinning in the center indicating that the page was loading. My heart raced with anticipation, my hands shaky from nervousness.

It's been a few months since Kouyou left, 8 months to be exact, for a business trip across the world. The pain in my chest never subsided since his leaving, knowing he wouldn't be with me for a very long time. Knowing I wouldn't be able to touch him or kiss him or hold him for a very long time took a toll on me. I looked down at my hands, remembering the feel of his grabbing on to it. His hands were big, but they were soft, and they were gentle. But nevertheless, the one thing I could always look forward to was getting to video chat him every weekend

A sound came through my laptop, my heart skipping a beat as my eyes lit up as I saw his screen name flash across the screen. Takashima Kouyou. A window popped up, his request to call me. I smiled to myself, and clicked accept.

And there it was, my screen lighting up with his face as our signals finally reached. 

"Happy birthday!" he immediately shouted, blowing a party blower at the camera, smiling his perfect smile of his that completely mesmerized me when we first met, his eyes shining with something I could tell was pure happiness. Regardless of how many times we've video chatted, my heart never ceased to feel the excitement and anticipation of getting to hear his voice once more.

And god, he was so beautiful. His beauty would always amaze me, and I still often find myself captivated by him regardless of how long we've been together.

"Thank you," I smiled brightly at him.

"You look so beautiful," he said, leaning his arms on the table he was seated at, his hand keeping his chin propped up. The sunshine was breaking though the blinds around him, giving him a beautiful glow around his silhouette.

"I'm just in my pajamas," I said, rolling my eyes at him. I stared at him, loving these moments we have together. These moments where we can finally talk to each other.

"How's it like in your new place?" he asked, and with that, my smile diminished, the whole mood between us changing.

Over the past few days, I've had to move apartments. I couldn't afford living in my current one anymore, and with no family to help me with my financial issues, I ended up moving to a smaller place. There wasn't much to it, everything was cluttered into a single room. My couch doubles up as a bed and I can get to the kitchen in a matter of two steps. The wallpaper was peeling at the edges and the ceiling was spotted with stains.

It's been so hard ever since Kouyou left. With him being my roommate, he was there to pay his fair share of all our monthly bills. Needless to say, he was worried about my well being before he had to leave, knowing I couldn't possibly pay for everything with my salary. I promised him I'd find a better job, one with a steady income that could keep me safe while he was gone. But that promise didn't seem to work out as I planned.

I looked everywhere, business after business, town after town, trying to find a suitable job to keep me on my feet, to make Kouyou happy, but I found nothing. Nobody would hire me, and the job I had at the time wasn't enough to make ends meet, which eventually resulted me in to moving into this terrible excuse for an apartment. A part of me feels like I've let him down, my heart aching with incredible guilt. I couldn't keep myself safe after he left, after I promised him.

"It's okay," I sighed, eyeing all my moving boxes around the room, flooding the floor and filled with things like pictures, books, and clothes, leaving almost no walking space for me, a rush of pain filling my chest. "How's it like New York City?" I asked.

He shrugged lightly. "Oh, you know," his voice faded, a pang setting off in my heart as I heard his voice deepen, his tone more serious. "It sucks," he stated, his eyes locked at his fidgeting hands over the table. My heart softened at his words.

"I know," I agreed. I can tell he had a bad day, and judging by his tone, tonight wasn't going to be one of those calls where we joked around for hours on end.

"I wanna come home," he whispered, the sadness evident in his voice. Sorrow filled me, I couldn't stand seeing my poor Kouyou unhappy.

"I know," I repeated, barely audible but just loud enough so he could hear. I brought my legs up to my chest, hugging them as I rested my chin on my knees. Silence took over us as I mindlessly played with a piece of loose thread hanging off the hem of my pajama bottoms. The room was cold, the air conditioner by the window covered in rust, and a few dent marks here and there, didn't seem to me as something that would still be working. I glanced back up at the computer screen, Kouyou looking straight at me. "When are you coming back?"

A long sigh fell from him, and I already knew what was coming. "He doesn't know yet," he replied. I nodded slightly. I already expected this, a thin lined smile was all I could show him. "But seeing as how the situation is going so far, I don't think it's going to be very soon," he finished, his voice soft and worrying, as if an apology was being said.

My eyes fell to the loose thread on my pants, my fingers continuing to play with it as I took in everything he just said. I tried to focus on the thread playing between my fingers, but soon my vision became blurry with tears. I couldn't stand this anymore, I can't stand being away from him so long. I needed him back so badly. I need to feel his lips against mine, I need to feel his touch, his hugs, his hold. I want to see his smile, to hear his laugh, to see him right here in front of me. Not on a computer screen all the way across the world.

"Yuu..." he whispered, his words full of question and concern. "Are you crying?"

I shut my eyes tight, willing my tears not to fall as I turned my face away from the camera, my cheek resting on my knees. 

"Yuu, look at me."

I brought my head back up, my vision blurry from the tears that threatened to fall. Kouyou's face turned into one of worry, sadness obvious in his eyes. "Yuu, please don't-" 

"I just want you to come home, Kouyou," I said, my voice breaking as I wiped a tear with my sleeve.

"I know, I'm sorry Yuu," he said. His held his stare on my, and i soon felt myself become a sniffling mess. "I hate seeing you cry, Yuu, please," he spoke softly, urging me to calm myself down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said, wiping my face with my sleeves as I took a deep breath, hopefully succeeding at calming my nerves. "I'm sorry Kouyou, I'm so sorry,"

"Yuu, it's okay."

"No, Kouyou, you don't understand," I said, tears continuing to flow down my face. "I'm apologizing for what I did."

Nothing but confusion was written across his face. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Kouyou. I couldn't support myself after you left. I promised you that I'd be safe while you're gone and I couldn't make that happen. I didn't want you to worry. I tried so hard, believe me, but...with you gone, everything seems harder, and even though we talk every weekend, it still hurts to not hear you around the house, it hurts to not have you here with me, in the same room. It gets lonely. I felt like I let you down, Kouyou, I felt like I wasn't making you happy, and it's killing me. I wanted you to know that I'd be safe with you gone, that I'd be able to handle life by myself. I thought I could do it, I really did." I took a deep breath. I poured out my heart to him, everything I was feeling was spilling from me and I was letting him hear these words for the first time. "I didn't want things to be like this, I wanted to make you proud. But I couldn't do it, Kouyou, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

He was speechless, I could tell. His mouth slightly parted as if hes about to say something and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He's mad at me, I knew it. He knows I've let him down.

"I'm so sorry I broke that promise, I really am. I'm sorry I let you down and I'm sorry I made you worry so much, I never wanted it to be this way, please forgive me, Kouyou. Please." Staring back at the laptop I could see him shaking his head, as in disagreement, the look on his face was one of worry. His jaw tightened, and it looked like he was the one about to cry.

"It's not your fault, Yuu," he said, his voice firm. "Look at me," he softened. I turned my head to meet his eyes. "You don't have to feel guilty, Yuu. I'm sorry I made you so scared, I don't want you to blame yourself for this."

But I, I didn't respond. I continued to stare at him through the screen. I didn't know what else to say to him. I apologized, but it still didn't feel enough. I wanted to make it better, but nothing I can say will fix anything. He sighed deeply before moving on.

"I'm going to come back, okay? Listen to me," he spoke, leaning in with his arms against the table, his eyes soft and his voice gentle, wanting my full and undivided attention. "I know it's hard right now, but believe me, when I come back, we can make it better, okay?" I nodded, tears welling up as I urged him to go on. "We're gonna have a life like before, we're gonna have a life even better, the life we always wanted. I'm going to come back and we can be together again, and I'm going to help you, I promise. You don't have to be scared anymore, Yuu. You won't have to be alone."

"I don't want you to take this so harshly on yourself. You did the best you can, and that's all that matters, okay?" He continued. I nodded in response, biting the ends of my sleeve that rested around my hand. "You didn't upset me, you didn't make me mad, I was just worried about you. I don't want you to be scared of what I'll think, Yuu."

I breathed, finally being able to calm myself down. "So you forgive me?" I asked, nervousness dripping from my words.

"You did nothing wrong, Yuu," he noted once again. "I want you to know that, you did nothing wrong," he clearly stated.

Relief washed over me and I closed my eyes at his words, trying my best to get myself to believe him.

Silence came between us soon after, and with myself feeling somewhat better about the situation, Kouyou interrupted my train of thought. "Here, I got you something, maybe it will cheer you up" he said, a widening grin on his face as he left the camera's view. I sighed deeply to myself, smiling at the thought of what he was doing.

He soon came back with something in his hands. At a closer look, I found that it was a cupcake, a small candle stood on top of it. "You didn't," I said, a wide smile forming on my face.

"Oh, but I did," he chuckled. He placed the cupcake down in front of him, and turned on the candle with a lighter he had nearby. I chuckled to myself, baffled that he would even do such a thing.

"Okay but why did you do this? I can't even have that cupcake anyways, nor can I blow out the candle," I told him, wiping the stray tears that remained on my cheeks.

"Hush," he said, holding the cupcake between us. "Make a wish, I can blow it out for you," he smiled.

I rolled my eyes, laughing at his foolishness. "That's not how it works."

"Yes it does, just do it," he chuckled, bringing the cupcake closer to the screen. Of course it wasn't long for me to think up of a wish. I already knew everything I wanted. "Okay, I got it," I told him, and Kouyou proceeded to blow out the candle, thus sealing my wish.

"What did you wish for?" he asked, unwrapping the cupcake from the wrapper.

"I can't tell you, and are you seriously going to eat my cupcake?"

He shrugged in response. "Can't let a good cupcake go to waste," he defended himself. I smiled at him, his mouth spilling crumbs whenever he spoke. God, I love this man so much.

I looked outside my window, the moon high above the sky. The clock on the wall told me it was almost near 2am, and my eyes burned with exhaustion. A yawn took over me as I stretched my arms above my head.

"Are you tired?" he asked, throwing away the wrapper from the cupcake he just finished.

"A little," I whispered, a lazy smile forming on my face.

"Alright," he smiled. "I'll let you go."

But I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay up and talk to him more. I wanted to hear his voice go on and on, his laughter like a melody to my ears. I want to hear him talk about his day more. I wanted to feel his presence in the only way I can.

"One more thing before you go," he caught me off guard. I nodded, listening attentively. "Be good, okay? I believe in you, I trust that you can do this, and I know that you can handle anything." 

I smiled at him, and all of a sudden, in my terrible dark apartment with no functioning a/c and a stained ceiling, I felt something that hasn't come to me in a while. I felt hope. He was coming back, I knew that. It may not be soon, but he will. And we will once again be reunited, and I can once again fall asleep in his arms the way I loved. And I can once again feel his touch. And we can once again be happy, together.

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you so much, Kouyou."

"I love you too," he smiled. And god, that smile told me everything was going to be alright. Everything was going to be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuu rubbed his hands together, only now just realizing how sweaty they have become. The room was brightly lit and packed with people going along their business, whether it was sitting and waiting for their next flight or running and greeting their loved ones that just got dropped off.

Yuu slouched in his chair, wrapping his cardigan tightly around him and bringing his knees up to his chest, his feet resting on the seat he sat on. Anxiously, he looked out the huge ceiling to floor window beside him, the early morning sun shining brightly as planes made their successful landings. His heart was beating wildly, in fact, it was beating wildly since he first got the news that Kouyou was finally coming home.

Finally, after 13 months, Kouyou finally gets to return home, and Yuu will finally get to be reunited with the one he loves most. Joy filled him up as he remembered the very day Kouyou announced this. His smile was beaming the second their connections reached each other and he was displayed across Yuu's laptop screen, and he just knew what that smile could mean. With excitement in his voice and longing in his eyes, he finally said those three words Yuu has been dying to here. "I'm coming home".

A teary eyed Yuu couldn't contain his emotions, ended up spilling tears and sobs of happiness that night, with Kouyou there with him.

He could barely sleep at all last night, his mind racing with images of him running into Kouyou's arms, images of their embrace and tears, filling him up with so much emotion that just couldn't be put to rest. His heart ached for him so badly, all those lonely nights in his apartment, laying on his couch as the soft breeze of the night air brushed in through the windows, enveloping him in the only comfort he could receive, hoping and wishing for the day he returns, the day they could finally be together again. The day they could finally meet once again, face to face.

Yuu sighed nervously, glancing down at his phone to see if Kouyou messaged him saying he was here. But unfortunately no message has come yet, and Yuu put his phone back down, resting his head on his knees.

He looked around the room, eyeing little kids as they ran up to greet their parents, watching grandparents reunite with their kids, seeing people cry and run and embrace each other set off fireworks in his heart, dying for him to live in that moment.

Soon, he reminded himself, tightening his arms around his legs as he willed his heart to steady. Soon everything will be back to normal, and Kouyou will be back. Soon, he won't have to wake up in the mornings in an empty bed anymore. Soon, he won't have to eat dinner alone in his apartment. Soon Kouyou will be here with him and he'll get to see his smile and hear his laugh and see his eyes light up the perfect way he loved, and the stories he'll share will fill his ears and his words will run in his mind like a movie and his voice will make his heart skip a beat.

He closed his eyes, the excitement and fire in him ceasing to burn out as the seconds passed by, anxiously checking his phone for word from Kouyou, but there was nothing.

Getting up from his seat, he wandered around the area, hoping some movement would rid of his anxiety. Walking with arms crossed, he made his way to the large window, watching the distant planes coming and going. He often wondered where these planes were going, why the passengers were going in the first place. Maybe they're flying to meet their family a few states away, or perhaps they're going on vacation, or maybe even flying their way back home. Are they going far? How long will they be gone? He wondered if the people on the plane knew how deeply and strongly they'll be missed.

Turning around, he saw people getting off the train, coming through the gate Kouyou told him he'd be. His heart started racing as he walked my way over to get a better view of the people coming off the train, his eyes scanning a sea of faces, his heart falling once the doors closed and he couldn't find his Kouyou. Was this the right gate?

A deep sigh fell from Yuu's lips, his arms falling to his sides in disappointment as he trudged back to his seat. Lifting his legs over the arm rest and having his feet rest on the chair next to him, he propped his head on his arm resting on the back of the chair. Once he got situated, all he could do was wait.

And wait.

And wait.

His mind started wandering back to Kouyou. What would they do when he finally gets here? Should they go out to dinner, or maybe even see a movie? Or perhaps just go home and lie in each others arms.

Or, what's left of their home.

Yuu found himself realizing he didn't care what they ended up doing together. As long as he had Kouyou by his side he felt like everything was complete. But a small part of him couldn't help but not want to bring him home. Yuu was the one that lost their house, the one both of them lived in. And in the new apartment he lived in now... there's barely any room for a second person.

He closed his eyes, guilt crashing into him all too suddenly. As much as Kouyou assured him that he wasn't disappointed, Yuu couldn't help but think Kouyou was at least a little bit upset with him. He still didn't believe he was forgiven. But how could he be? After all, he lost their house. Yuu's current apartment isn't suitable for a second person, and he's quite embarrassed to show Kouyou the new place and have him live in it with him. He tried fixing up the place, making it look neat for his arrival. The bed was made, the kitchen was cleared, the dust was all wiped off, but the stains on the ceiling and the peeling wallpaper and the squeaky floorboards remained. 

"God, I'm so stupid," he told himself. All he wanted was to show Kouyou he would be okay without him around, to make him proud, but the reality was that he couldn't. As much as he didn't want to admit that, he knew he couldn't handle life without Kouyou.

But he was coming back. He was coming back and together they could have the life they've always wanted.

He checked the time on his phone. It was two in the afternoon. Surely he remembered Kouyou saying his plane would arrive at noon. So he waited.

And he waited.

And he waited.

Until eventually the sun started to set, and Yuu felt his heart sitting heavy on his chest. He glanced at his phone, not a single word from Kouyou. Every time he saw passengers leaving through the gate, Yuu was right there by the entrance, eyes scanning the crowd to look for him with a rapid heart. Countless times he's gotten up to look for him and countless times he's returned to his seat, disappointed.

His eyes began to grow tired, but his mind wouldn't let him rest. Once more he got up and walked to the entrance of the gate during new arrivals, leaning against a column with hope in his eyes. Scanning the crowd before him, his eyes locked on someone he knew all too well.

His heart felt as if it was about to burst out of his chest. There, right before his eyes in a sea of people, was Kouyou. His eyes ran over his body, watching Kouyou's every delicate movement.

This was it, he thought. This is the moment he's been waiting so long for. It was only a matter of seconds to feel his touch. He felt like he was frozen, unable to move or speak. He felt as though his feet were tied down, wanting to run but unable to bring himself to.

Their eyes met and Yuu's heart practically burst from his chest. The look he saw on Kouyou's face the second his eyes met his own was one of pure longing. His face beamed with a bright smile before taking big steps towards Yuu with all his luggage.

Yuu ran to him, tears blurring his eyes as he never tore them away from Kouyou.

The seconds seemed to pass in slow motion as the distance between them got shorter. Yuu dashed passed people, his eyes completely focused on Kouyou, who was running towards him with the exact same excitement. Each step, every inch they took decreases their distance. From seven thousand miles to just a few feet, they'd finally find themselves in each others arms in a matter of seconds.

Three.

Yuu felt like he could explode at any moment, seeing his Kouyou right before him after so long. After endless lonely nights, quiet afternoons and boring mornings, he'll have him once again. His hair, his smile, his skin. It was everything like he remembered, he hasn't changed one bit.

Two.

The distance became shorter as their hearts sped up. Kouyou let his bags fall to the floor, completely neglecting them as all he could focus on was Yuu. We'll finally be together again.

One.

It was all in slow motion. Yuu's hands just barely grazing his shoulder as he jumped from the ground, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. Kouyou held him tightly, the familiar feeling of him and his hold and his touch sent Yuu tears to spill.

"Kouyou," his voice cracked, tears falling from him as he buried his face in his neck. His scent, his touch, his warmth. It was everything he remembered, everything he's missed. Their hold on each other was tight and Yuu felt like he couldn't even breathe, but god he was loving every second of it, loving how desperate Kouyou was to hold him again and loving the pure feeling of becoming one once again.

"God, I missed you so much," Kouyou breathed out, holding him tight. "I missed you so much."

Kouyou swayed into the hug, the both of them moving ever so slightly before he placed Yuu back on his feet only to immediately be pulled into a kiss. Kouyou's hands cupped his face, pulling him in for the moment they've been waiting so long for, and Yuu practically felt his knees go weak. The familiar sensation of Kouyou's lips finally against his after so long was so overwhelming. His lips moved against his in the perfect way he's grown to miss so much. A soft whimper came from Yuu, completely overwhelmed by everything. His feel, his taste, it was all crashing into his memory. It was like time stood still for these two. Standing in the middle of a crowded airport, they were only focused on each other.

Kouyou pulled back, his thumbs rubbing against Yuu's face and wiping his tears away, and Yuu found himself absolutely mesmerized. His smile was radiating and his eyes stared deeply into Yuu's glistening ones, and god, seeing his face so close triggered something within him that he couldn't even begin to describe. He could see everything from his slight stubble to the reflection of himself in his eyes and everything else that he couldn't see so clearly through a computer screen. "I told you I'd come back."

"Kouyou..." his voice cracked again. Kouyou kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger there for a while as he tried to recollect himself. He let his lips wander all throughout Yuu's face, placing kisses in every inch he could. His cheeks, his nose, his jawline, it was all for Kouyou's lips at the moment. His hands were cupping his face and all Yuu could do was close his eyes and relish in this feeling. He placed a hard single kiss on his lips once more, Yuu happily returning with tears streaming down his face.

Yuu wrapped his arms around his neck as light sobs racked his body. "I missed you so much, Kouyou," his words came out muffled. He soothingly rubbed his back, Yuu's heart exploding at his every touch.

Kouyou just held him as Yuu continued to sob softly, closing his eyes and resting his head atop his, and everything felt so good right now. Kouyou's soft breathing putting Yuu in a complete state of peace, feeling his hands wander his own back and holding him tight against him, hearing his voice and seeing his smile that could light up the entire world brought tears to Yuu's eyes. So long he's waited for this moment, the moment they would finally be in each others arms again.

"Don't you ever leave me again, you asshole."

A chuckle fell from Kouyou, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "Ready to go?" he asked, rubbing his back.

"I'm not done yet," he said, looking up to place yet another kiss on his lips. It wasn't at heated as the last few times. This time it felt more slow, like there wasn't a reason to rush anymore. He was here in his arms and his tear stained cheeks were rubbing against Kouyou's dry ones and the way his soft lips slowly moved against his own sent Yuu's mind somewhere far away. He didn't feel like he was at an airport in the middle of a crowded area, he didn't feel like anyone could see them. Tangling his fingers in Kouyou's hair, it was him that was flooding his mind. It was him, and everything that he was and everything that he is, that refused to leave his head. His thoughts were like a whirlwind of things he couldn't even begin to comprehend, but that didn't matter now. What mattered was that Kouyou was finally back, and right now with his lips moving so incredibly soft against Yuu's and his hands a mess in his hair, he felt something he hasn't felt in such a long time. He felt at peace. This is it, he thought.

This is the end of missing you.


End file.
